The Dangerous Interlinking of Financial & Emotional Stability

I was once told that had I not been from a white middle class upbringing and instead from a single parent family, living on benefits on a council estate, I wouldn’t be at the university I am. Because, as it seems, people like me just don’t succeed in life. Just like it is assumed that wealthy women can’t possibly have difficulties throughout the perinatal period. 

Finances are one small aspect of a large variety of sociological and demographical variants in pregnant women. Mental health does not discriminate and certainly doesn’t check your bank balance before deciding to engulf your existence and plummet you into a cloud of depression and despair.

Sadly it seems that there is bias and potential dangerous assumptions around the needs of someone who is financially stable. I sense that there is almost certainly a societal expectation that their needs during pregnancy, birth and postnatally can’t possibly be as important as someone in a different demographic.

Pregnancy is a vulnerable time for any woman, regardless of her social demographic. But sadly there are cringeworthy opinions relating to assumptions of what women need and who feels these vulnerabilities most. I am not naive enough to deny that there are scenarios and situations that do mean those deprived are experiencing extremes of vulnerability. But the point I’m trying to make is that this does not mean someone with money automatically is not vulnerable. That very assumption itself, in fact, makes her vulnerable.

Finances play one part of our lives, it is unarguable that it impacts our lives dramatically, but in relation to pregnancy this is complex. I have heard people refer to the ‘middle class’ women within one area that I work in, as though there is no possibility that they can experience any problems in pregnancy that are surmountable to someone living in poverty. This is a dangerous assumption. The requirements of these women may be different, but they are equally as important.

Take for example a woman who, whilst is financially stable and owns her own house with her own business, is an alienated stay at home mum whose partner works away. She has no support from her family and is completely alone. But from the outside people look at her as having everything, so can’t possibly have anything to struggle over because they can’t see past her material possessions.

Then think of someone living on benefits, in a house where finances are so short and living conditions are cramped. But emotional and physical support from a loving family unit is in abundance. But from the outside people might assume she is desperately unhappy?

Who is to say that one persons mental wellbeing is more important than another? If we were to all treat others based on what we perceive their needs to be based solely on their financial situation, then we would be stepping on dangerous territory where the real needs of women are not being met. That accounts for all women, wealthy or not.

Who is to say that the woman living with financial abundance but having recurrent miscarriages, is better off than the woman who is living in poverty but able to conceive a large family?

Who is to say that the presence or absence of expensive material possessions directly relates to the presence or absence of domestic violence? 

Who is to say the woman living on the breadline isn’t living happily, as she has an abundance of love from her family and blessed with children?

It’s frustrating that people think poverty automatically means someone is not happy with their life and that wealth automatically equates to happiness.

I grew up on a council estate in a single parent family reliant on benefits. I have no doubt it was a struggle for my mum, but it was a loving home and my mum, despite her long term health issues, raised us well and made sure we had what we needed and grew up to appreciate this. I can say hand on heart, that I would choose this over being alone with a heap load of money in the bank. But I also know that others might be happier with the other. The point is we cannot make judgements of what ‘should’ make other people happy.

Having worked with women across a broad spectrum of sociological demographics, I can say with certainty that the anxieties of becoming a parent, the excitement, the worries and the questions are rarely any different. It is much easier to address concerns over a woman who is homeless than it is for a woman with a roof over her bed and suspected domestic abuse. It is much more likely the woman with obvious social complexities will get the help she needs than the woman who appears to have it all and so slips under the radar.

It’s difficult when it is assumed the rich have it all or that those less well off must be unhappy. Instead of pigeon holing people why can’t we just treat people as individuals.